Friday, 28 February 2014


"How can you tell me he has slept with you and it doesn’t matter?”, I heard the mother shout at her young rebellious teenage daughter. “Why did you even allow him touch you in the first place? I thought you were still a virgin!”, she kept on chastising the girl. It was obvious from the tone of her voice that she was heart-broken and disappointed in her child. To my dismay, the young girl maintained an uncaring pose like her mother wasn’t making any sense.

The mother kept on ranting uncontrollably like she was going to break down in tears anytime soon but I could see that everything she said fell on deaf ears. I felt so sorry for her but most especially for the young girl. From their previous conversation, I could deduce the fact that the young lady, who her mom called Chidinma, had been missing from home for a little over a week. She came back home and was asked where she had been but was non-chalant enough to reply that she had been with her boyfriend. I heard her tell her mom that she couldn’t stand the close monitoring she was getting from home and so she had to ‘free herself’……. See me see wahala o! It made me wonder what the world was turning into.

Many young girls out there are filled with thoughts of running away from home just to have fun with boys who often times are not worth it (I am not writing this to judge anyone). Most times I go out and see girls who are still in secondary schools parading themselves in clothes that they wouldn’t wear from their homes. Only God knows where they get these clothes from. Where also do they get the money used in purchasing them? While some of them are rich, spoilt girls, most of them get the money from older men. Of course, you readers should know what they do to get the money. They either sleep with the men or satisfy their sexual pleasures whichever way they can.

The body of a woman (young or old) should be treasured. It should be revered. It should be covered. A woman is not supposed to expose her whole body and leave little to imagination. Treasures are not gotten openly; they are dug out from dark places or hidden where it cannot be easily accessed. That is the way a woman’s body should be protected. The pride of a woman is her body. When a man looks at you and sees everything that makes you a woman just with a glance, it reduces the respect he’s supposed to award you.

After a while I heard the girl, Chidinma, tell her mom, “If you are not happy to see me let me know so I can go back to where I’m coming from”. I knew at this point that this was a case that needed external help other than the mother’s.

Being my kind of person, I told the mother to give me some time with Chidinma in order to have a chat with her. After talking to Chidinma for a while, I realized some factors that prompted her rebellious acts.

Firstly, she claimed her mom wasn’t taking care of her needs and that she had to find another way out. From talking to Chidinma, I realized she was just 16 years old but no longer innocent. She told me her mom left her dad because he was dating a younger woman and they’ve been on their own ever since.

Secondly, she told me there was no big deal in what she was doing because most of her friends in school were doing the same thing. That is peer influence contributing to her person and way of life.

Thirdly, she told me older men and boys were giving her the needed money and attention she could not get from her parents, therefore, she had to relate more with them. She said only through the help of her boyfriend could she pay her school fees, if not she wouldn’t have been able to sit for her exams. I asked her if he did that for free but she looked into my eyes and couldn’t give me an answer.

I felt so sorry for her. Right from that moment, I decided to help her in any way I could and asked her to promise she would stop her waywardness. Of course, she reluctantly did.

To all the ‘Chidinmas’ out there, I want to give you the same advise I gave to the Chidinma which you are reading about right now. Please find other means to help yourself. Talk to neighbours, Church/Mosque members, relatives, older siblings etc., who seem to be responsible enough. Let them know the type of problems you have. If anyone of them asks you to sleep with them, please do not.

Your body is your pride and no amount (no matter how much) can be worth it. Do any petty business you can lay your hands on. Run errands for people who are close to you and see whether they would give you a tip or not. All you have to do is be focused and serious minded and you will see that things would eventually work out for you. Also, please have it at the back of your mind that there are other girls in the same shoes as you and there are those who have survived your present situation without trading their pride for money. What we do today affects/contributes to who we become tomorrow, therefore know what you are doing.

Now, to men or older boys out there who are on the evil mission of taking advantage of young, helpless girls…Please learn to give help without expecting a sexual reward in return. I’m sure you’ve been assisted by someone before without demands for sexual appreciation.

To the parents, try your best to take care of the children, male and female. You brought them into this world so you should take care of them. They are your responsibilities. Instill the fear of God in them right from their early years. Let your girl-child know that her body is her pride and that no amount of money is enough for her to yield in to a guy’s sexual demands. If the guy wants her he should wait till she is old enough and marry her *serious face*. Let your child pride herself in her being.

Also as a parent(especially as a mother), live a life that is worthy of emulation; the respect will come automatically.

Let me end right here before I bore you guys with my view on morals. Don’t mind me, I just decided to be serious and very frank this time around. All in all, ladies please have it at the back of your mind AT ALL TIMES that your body is your pride and the men should fight for it! *smiles*

Enjoy the rest of your day!

Bukola Oyetunji


Anonymous said...

very nice article. God bless you for this. Young girls need to know how to protect their body from all these vultures they call men.

Bidemi said...

boys can deceive a lot

Anonymous said...

chidinma is a bad girl. i hope she would listen to bukola and turn a new leaf

Anonymous said...

parents need to take care of their children very well so dat there wont be more Chidinmas out there.