Saturday, 3 January 2015

Relationship: How To Handle The Pressure of Being Single....


“Why are they looking at me that way?

I think they pity me but why?

Oh….. Cause I’m not married yet?

I hear them whisper my name

Hear them say it’s my fault

Have they lost hope in me when I’ve not?

 I’m sure the right lady will come the right time

I’ve left fate to decide when

Oh….. How I hate the pressure they put me through!

Many matured singles are getting totally frustrated not just because they don’t have a man or woman to call their own but because of the pressure they are passing through.

Pressure comes from different angles. It may come from parents, friends, colleagues, business partners, relatives, neighbors, Church/ Mosque members or from “everywhere”. People begin to see them as an unserious lot or a set of unfulfilled people. The truth is some singles enjoy their “single” lives as it is while so many of them are fed up of being single.

I read about a lady who was set to dump any man that she’s going out with at the slightest notice of unseriousness just to save herself any heartache. She wrote that when she was younger she could put up with a lot of crap than she does now. I’m sure she started doing that because she was under pressure from people as a result of past break-ups!

It is pressure (or ignorance) that leads singles to try the online dating thing which most times fail.

Your mother may be putting you under pressure because most of your friends and siblings are married with two or three children. You may also notice that as time goes on, family functions wear you out because other relatives your age or even those you are older than are all settled down happily.

Your colleagues at the office may be laughing behind your back and often times to your face because no one sends you flowers or gifts especially at special seasons. You do not ever have a surprise lunch with any lady and every woman you asked out in the office out rightly turned you down.

When you are at church fellowships and they call prayer points for the matured singles that are looking for partners, your voice echoes the loudest AMEN all the time and those you grew up with in the church are already married. You open your eyes and see that they are all looking at you sympathetically.

You are a marketing executive in your work place and because you are not married, clients who are supposed to do business with you without strings attached ask you to have dinner with them before anything can happen.

Considering instances like these, you become frustrated and end up being on the edge, so you burst out at the slightest provocation.

My dear, I am not preaching to you here but I want you to know that so many happily married people went through similar situations but today, they smile because the wait was worth it.

Someone dear to me was into a distant relationship with a guy for over 3 years (during her University days) but the man broke up with her in her final year, over the phone. She felt so useless. She thought that was the end for her. She was almost 30 at the time of break up. The lovely thing that happened and renewed her pride and dignity was that she met someone few months after and in less than a year they were happily married. These days when I see her, I show gratitude to her husband because she glows.

Likewise, I’ve seen so many people who have had failed relationships and were desperate to get married due to the pressure they were getting from all angles. At the end of the day, they get burnt all over again.

Being under pressure can either mar or make you. It can either make you rush into the wrong relationship and then marriage or it can make you move closer to God and ask Him to place your feet on the right track.

Sometimes pressure comes from people around you because they love you, they want you to be happy, they want the best for you. Recognize this and don’t get frustrated. Ask them to pray for you. Let them know that you are also praying to God and that you know He will do the best for you at His appointed time. A wise king once said “God makes everything happen at the right time.”

In the same vein, some people would put you under pressure just to mock you. They’ll spite you and say all sorts of things to you that will make you question God. Look at it from this angle: they are doing all these because you matter. You need to see the positive side of everything happening around you and know that someday, somehow, you’ll meet the best person you are to settle down with; it’s just a matter of time.
My sincere prayer to you therefore is that as you start a new year, the right man/woman for you will locate you. 
Wish you all the best!
Bukola Oyetunji 


Culled from: 'Stranded' with a Status by Bukola Oyetunji 


Nkechi said...

Great... I am encouraged to move on. I say a big Amen to your prayers. Thx Ma

Anonymous said...

The pressure I go through is from 'everywhere' like you put it. Sometimes it makes me suicidal, I don't know why I am going through a time like this in my life. Every woman I've been in relationship with just want to have a nice time with me, they donmt wanto settle down. Most people think it is my fault I am not married at 37. I hope God wl intervene for me this year. Thankss for sharing this post BO. I'll look forward to my miracle wife this year.

kunle said...

D pressure comes from d person dat loves me most... but i got angry at her most times

Bukola Oyetunji said...

@ Kunle, you don't have to get angry at her..... kindly follow me on twitter @bukolaoyetunji, let's talk.

Stella said...

I no send all of dem becos i know one day i will marry... hian!