Tuesday, 26 January 2016

Reasons Why You Are Still Single (Part 2)

.....................Continued from last post

k.      You are clinging on to lost hope – You believe that partner will come back someday so instead of giving someone else a chance, you shut your heart totally. Waiting for someone who left you is like putting water in a basket because it won’t hold. If they want you and want to spend the rest of their life with you in the first place, they wouldn’t have left you.

l.       You find it difficult to trust people – Having trust issues is one of the reasons why single people don’t want to commit. You have to know that everybody is not the same. Just like they say; “To every rule, there is an exemption’. There are still trust-worthy people out there; you just need to be a good person too to find one.

m.      You are not cultured – You don’t know the right way to approach issues or you don’t have the knowledge of how to handle things in a mature and refined way. Prospective partners out there may notice this and take to their heels.

n.      You are too self-centered – If you are someone that thinks of pleasing others regularly, others will do the same for you. Nobody wants to settle down with a person that is all about themselves. Self-centered people hardly make good homes. If this is the reason why you think you are still single, kindly work on it and make amends.

o.        You are too desperate for marriage – I keep telling single people that if you have a sign hung round your neck saying you are single and desperately searching, people will avoid you like a plague. Be as subtle as possible in your search for a life partner.  It is wrong of you to believe you can only be happy when there’s a steady relationship going on for you… Don’t act like it is a do or die affair. If you can take out desperation from your attitude, you are bound to settle down as soon as possible.

p.       You allow pressures from people around you get through to you – It is true pressure comes from almost every angle. Your parents, friends, colleagues, church members, neighbours (even enemies) mount pressure on you. Some do this to spite you while others do this because they want you to be happy. The best thing to do in such a situation is to ask whoever mounts pressure on you to pray for you. Don’t let it push you into the wrong arms. This is the mistake most singles make. They allow the pressure around them get through to them so they keep making the same mistakes over and over again. Tell yourself today that it is your life, God has His plans for you and no pressure from any angle will stop those plans and promises from coming to pass.


q.      You are looking for a partner in the wrong places – Now, you need to stop doing this. Treasures are hidden in dark places, they are not gotten easily. If you keep looking for a person to spend the rest of your life with in all the wrong places, you may remain single for a long time. The best place to look for a partner is with God and you can only do that when you go on your knees. Tell it all to Him in prayers. No matter the type of religion you practice, talk to God; pour out your heart desires to Him. Let go and let GOD…… He will give you the best spouse you deserve.


For Men

Don’t capitalize on looks and if you’ve been doing that, this is the time you have to stop it! Only shallow and insincere men will commit to a woman based solely on her looks. Stop seeing women as a problem to solve or a puzzle that needs working out. Women are wonderful creatures that you can understand only when you give them a chance to express themselves. Another thing you need to know is that you have to stop being egocentric. Women love spending their life with a man who sees them as a partner, someone who can give them a say without thinking they are taking his position as the head. Be willing to share your space with a woman. Do you know how to pamper a woman? If you don’t it is important you learn it today. If you love a woman, be expressive enough to tell her or show it. Also, if you are the insensitive type, it will be difficult for you to get a woman to stay with you. Learn how to give compliments as often as possible to the woman you love. Erase the common mindset that every woman out there is after your money. Of course we have women like that, but there are so many good ones out there that will love you for you. Another thing that most men do that stops them from settling down in marriage is that they believe in sleeping with a woman before marriage with the excuse that you need to know if you are both sexually compatible…. I wonder where that idea is from? If you want a woman there’s no harm in waiting till she is ready before you become sexually active with her. Waiting till the wedding night shows you are a responsible man and a good woman will respect you for that.

The first thing you have to do is to be happy with yourself and where you are right now. Most importantly, you have to let God choose for you, not forgetting that your parents are your little gods and their consent is highly important too. As a single person craving for marriage, it is important for you not to lose hope, please don’t give up on love. Try to be as positive as possible. Know that you are not alone; there are so many young men and women out there in the same shoes as you. Lastly, move closer to God. He has in stock all you need to be happy.

For Women
As a woman, it is of utmost importance for you to know that your looks only attract a man but doesn’t keep him. You must develop a positive self-image because men are attracted by this. You also need to stop making the error of not wanting the people who want you. Stop running after the people who don’t want you in return. Now I need to ask you if you have not given up already. That you are up to your forties or not does not mean it has become too late for you to find your soul-mate, keep your hope alive. Stop running from a man because he was ‘too nice’ or ‘safe’ or ‘boring’. Appreciate the man who appreciates you. The best you can do is to also be the best partner you can be. Learn to be a virtuous woman (Proverbs 31: 10-end). It is important for you to allow that man run after you, it is his job! Build a good carriage for yourself. Don’t be sluggish. Be smart, be organized, be presentable and be neat. Keep your fingernails clean, change your hairdo regularly, and use body spray or cologne appropriately. A good man wants a woman he can flaunt to his friends, colleagues or family members….. Make yourself one. Lest I forget, develop a positive mindset. Negativity does more harm than good. The men out there want a woman that can encourage them and have faith in them even when they do not. Learn to be your man’s support system. In doing this, believe in yourself too, never be insecure. Be a cheerful giver and be ready to make some sacrifices for your relationship or eventual marriage. If you can do all these, I see you walking down the aisle pretty soon.
Wish you all the grace you need.
Bukola Oyetunji.

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