Monday, 25 January 2016

Reasons Why You are Still Single (Part 1)

A person can be single for a whole lot of reasons so I want to write this article in all fairness to the single people out there. Know also that the major reason why I came up with this is to set things straight. In doing so, I promise to try my best not to be judgmental, but be as frank as possible.

Reasons why you are still single has therefore been divided into two groups.
Firstly, we have the understandable reasons why you are still single. These include:

a.       Financial and emotional or physical health issues- because you are not financially buoyant enough to have a family or you have some health issues that you think should be attended to before taking the big step.

b.      Stress from the family e.g., mother, father, siblings. - Your family members are mounting a lot of stress on you or they have constant issues with whoever you take home as a future partner.

c.       Time constraints as a result of education, career, and personal preferences – You believe it is not time for you to settle down in marriage because you want to achieve some things in your life.

d.      Social fears or love shyness – You are scared of committing to a relationship because of some experiences you’ve had or you are just naturally love-shy.

e.      Living where there aren’t enough single people of the opposite sex - You stay in an area where you don’t have so many single people around you. This may also be a hindrance to your settling down.

f.        For religious reasons e.g., priests, nuns etc. – Your faith or belief is a personal thing. Priests, nuns, monks are people who prefer remaining single for as long as possible.

All the reasons mentioned above are comprehensible reasons why a mature person may remain single for a short or long while.

Now, let’s look at the other reasons why you are still single

a.       God wants you to have a smooth and personal relationship with Him first – Most times, single people need to have a relationship with God before having a relationship with any other person, especially of the opposite sex. If you have moved God to the background, things may not work out the way you want. It is high time you revisited your relationship with God. How smooth is it? Do you give Him time out of your busy schedule or all you do is run after people of the opposite sex?

b.      You have turned marriage into an idol – One thing you need to know as a single person is that God is jealous. Don’t idolize the idea of becoming somebody’s husband or wife. If you want any other thing more than you want God, it may stop such a thing from being out rightly successful. What I am trying to say is that you must refocus on God, let nothing else take His position in your life. If you can do this, things will work out for you.

c.       Past hurts and disappointments have overcome you – What I have come to know over the years is that it is difficult to see a person that has never experienced hurt in one way or the other in the past. Most of the happily married people out there have stories to tell of past hurts and disappointments. What they did is that they let go of their past,  faced the future with a renewed vigor, and it worked out for them. You can do this too, yes you can!

d.      You want a man/woman that has arrived not one who has a direction – The major thing a man or woman should look out for in a partner is someone that has a direction. Someone who is led by God will not miss the road. It is unfortunate that what single people out there want these days is a partner that has arrived. By this I mean as a single person you want someone that is ready made, the type Yorubas call ‘Olorunsogo’ and not the one you rise up together with called; ‘Surulere’. The truth is, the ready-made ladies or guys started from somewhere and most often than not, started with someone so they may no longer be readily available for you to pick up.

e.      You have caged your heart – The problem is not love because it doesn’t close the door against good. The problem is that you built a cage round your heart, thus, stopping yourself from falling in love with the right person. Some people come to me with speeches like; “I don’t know what is happening but I just don’t think I can fall in love with anyone”. In instances like this, you have to pray to God to dwell in you. He will straighten all crooked paths and break the cage that may be stopping you from getting the love you deserve.

f.        You are not emotionally prepared for marriage – I spoke with a guy recently who told me about how unprepared he was for marriage. He mentioned how he needed some time to think and be adequately prepared before he ties the knot with his girlfriend. Most single people, especially the men, are like this. Know today that time waits for no one. If you are of age, financially okay and have Mr. /Mrs. Right, what then are you waiting for?

g.       You love your private life too much – Yes everybody loves their private life but when you value it too much that you would rather be alone, you have to watch it! It is important for you to share your life with someone else, so be ready to compromise.

h.      Your stakes are too high – I have come across so many single ladies out there who feel any man that would get their hand in marriage must have accomplished exceptional things. When your stakes are too high, it becomes difficult for a man to reach. On the part of men, because you do not want a liability as a wife, you make up your mind to run after a woman that is beyond your reach. Learn to let go of all your unrealistic standards and let God take charge in the planning of your life.

i.         You don’t communicate well (i.e., you talk without listening) – A good communicator has an advantage over whoever does not communicate well in every aspect of this life we are in. If you can learn to do more listening than talking, you stand a better chance of settling down. When you listen more, you get to learn a lot about people, you develop a better interest in them and it gives you the opportunity of experiencing same from them when it’s your turn to talk.

j.        You have a low self-esteem/ you have a high self-esteem – Having a low self-esteem is common with people that have been abused in past relationships. It reduces their self-worth which on the other hand makes them settle for lesser than they deserve. Sometimes determination or therapy is all you need to overcome this. The opposite is high self-esteem. This is a situation where a person thinks too highly of themselves. Relationship-wise, a single person plagued with high self-esteem can remain single for a long time because such a person is bound to look down on prospective partners that come their way.
To be continued.................................

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