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Sunday, 17 July 2016

Dear Bukola: I am In Love With my Pastor

 

Dear Bukola,

I am at a crossroad and I think I need deliverance. I am in love with my Pastor and it is affecting me. I am a 33 year old single woman. I have been single since I joined my church that was 4 years ago. The issue is I fell in love with my Pastor the moment I laid my eyes on him. His soft voice and good command of English language makes me want him badly. I’ve tried everything possible to get through to my Pastor but he doesn’t even look at me (probably because he is married). I’ve considered giving other men a chance but the problem is that I use my Pastor as a standard for any man I can marry but all the men coming to me don’t meet up. I have thought severally of going for deliverance but still I wonder; ‘Is it a crime to love my Pastor?’ Please I need your advice.

Dear Single woman,
I understand this issue of women falling in love with their pastor has become all too common these days. I guess it is probably because pastors are now well educated, well-dressed and good-looking compared to those days when it was virtually a sin for a pastor to look that way (especially in this part of the world).
You claim you are in love with your pastor but do you even know him? Do you know his real person apart from the one that mounts the pulpit with his ‘soft voice and good command of English language?’ I wonder how you can claim to love somebody you do not even know. If I ask you very personal questions about that pastor of yours, I bet it you do not have answers.

The sad truth is that your case is that of infatuation and that is why you want him badly! As a Christian that goes to church why would you want to break the home of your pastor by trying everything possible to get through to him? You did not mention anything about him encouraging you to develop these wrong feelings so where is it coming from? You are a 33 year old single woman; a mature single, so I believe you are supposed to pour your feelings on a man that would reciprocate by giving you a meaningful future with him, why waste it on a situation that would take you nowhere? Now you are finding it difficult to commit because you are longing for a man that does not even know you have feelings for him… how worse can it get? You have set an unrealistic standard for yourself; you may not be able to find a man like your pastor several years to come because God created him different from others. Even if you are lucky to find someone like him, they can never be exactly the same. You have to bring these feelings you are having to bay because it will do you more harm than good. You are fearfully and wonderfully made so you deserve to meet someone that would love you and want to marry you like their life depends on it.

I want you to know that you can’t do this unless you let go of all these feelings you have because they are definitely not from God. You need God’s help to do this so pray to Him to erase all the bad feelings/thoughts you have of how to nail your pastor from your mind. Do not give these feelings room to stop you from settling down. If you pray properly and these feelings do not subside, I think it would be best for you to leave the church because it would help if you stop seeing your pastor often. This would give you better chances of meeting your own specially prepared man. If after doing all these you still cannot get over your pastor (God forbid), you may need to go for therapy or like you suggested; deliverance. I wish you all the grace you need!


            

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