Monday, 27 June 2016

Dear Bukola: My husband never gives compliments!!!

Dear Bukola

I have been married for 4 years and we have 2 children. I really love my husband but the problem I have with him is that he never gives compliments. I work myself out to please him but it’s just like he never notices. Unfortunately when I make a slight mistake in the house he goes off about how incompetent I am. He doesn’t seem to notice how hard I try to get appreciation or compliments from him no matter how little. Please help cos this attitude of his, is affecting me!

Dear Anonymous,
There are different types of men and there are different types of ways through which they show their appreciation. Some men are just the way your husband is, they seldom give compliments. That still does not mean they do not notice the good things you do around the house or how hard you try to please them, of course they notice but expressing it is just the problem they have. You have to move past the stage of doing things because you want your husband to give you compliments for it. Do things because you enjoy doing it, that’s the only way you can be happy and remain sane. I am not saying it is good for the men to be selfish with giving compliments all I am saying here is that a man who was not brought up to give compliments (especially the type whose father never gave his mother compliments) should not be expected to suddenly give compliments to his wife. It’s not part of him; believe me, you can’t force it out of him. About him complaining over your slight mistakes, you need to let him know you are not perfect so you can make mistakes just like every other person out there. If he fails to understand, don’t worry, still be happy. See it from the positive angle that he wants you to be a better person. The most important thing I want you to know however is that under no circumstances should you let this attitude of his make you feel inferior. You are a wonderful woman but the only person that can appreciate you and make you feel fulfilled is YOU. If you accomplish any difficult task, praise yourself for it! If you did a good job at something, applaud yourself and give yourself a treat for it! If you got a promotion at work, celebrate yourself. Whatever positive achievement you get, appreciate yourself for it because a lot of people out there wish they were you. Don’t wait for anyone to make you feel worthy. It is your life so, LIVE IT!

Wish you all the strength you deserve…..

Bukola Oyetunji.

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