Dear Bukola: I am In Love With my Pastor

 
Dear Bukola,

I am at a crossroad and I think I need deliverance. I am in love with my Pastor and it is affecting me. I am a 33 year old single woman. I have been single since I joined my church that was 4 years ago. The issue is I fell in love with my Pastor the moment I laid my eyes on him. His soft voice and good command of English language makes me want him badly. I’ve tried everything possible to get through to my Pastor but he doesn’t even look at me (probably because he is married). I’ve considered giving other men a chance but the problem is that I use my Pastor as a standard for any man I can marry but all the men coming to me don’t meet up. I have thought severally of going for deliverance but still I wonder; ‘Is it a crime to love my Pastor?’ Please I need your advice.

Dear Single woman,

I understand this issue of women falling in love with their pastor has become all too common these days. I guess it is probably because pastors are now well educated, well-dressed and good-looking compared to those days when it was virtually a sin for a pastor to look that way (especially in this part of the world).
You claim you are in love with your pastor but do you even know him? Do you know his real person apart from the one that mounts the pulpit with his ‘soft voice and good command of English language?’ I wonder how you can claim to love somebody you do not even know. If I ask you very personal questions about that pastor of yours, I bet it you do not have answers.

The sad truth is that your case is that of infatuation and that is why you want him badly! As a Christian that goes to church why would you want to break the home of your pastor by trying everything possible to get through to him? You did not mention anything about him encouraging you to develop these wrong feelings so where is it coming from? You are a 33 year old single woman; a mature single, so I believe you are supposed to pour your feelings on a man that would reciprocate by giving you a meaningful future with him, why waste it on a situation that would take you nowhere? Now you are finding it difficult to commit because you are longing for a man that does not even know you have feelings for him… how worse can it get? You have set an unrealistic standard for yourself; you may not be able to find a man like your pastor several years to come because God created him different from others. Even if you are lucky to find someone like him, they can never be exactly the same. You have to bring these feelings you are having to bay because it will do you more harm than good. You are fearfully and wonderfully made so you deserve to meet someone that would love you and want to marry you like their life depends on it.

I want you to know that you can’t do this unless you let go of all these feelings you have because they are definitely not from God. You need God’s help to do this so pray to Him to erase all the bad feelings/thoughts you have of how to nail your pastor from your mind. Do not give these feelings room to stop you from settling down. If you pray properly and these feelings do not subside, I think it would be best for you to leave the church because it would help if you stop seeing your pastor often. This would give you better chances of meeting your own specially prepared man. If after doing all these you still cannot get over your pastor (God forbid), you may need to go for therapy or like you suggested; deliverance. I wish you all the grace you need!


            

Dear BOB Readers - I can’t stop having sex with my employee!

 

Dear Bukola,

I run a very successful accounting firm in the northern part of the country. About 8 months ago a beautiful and sophisticated lady was employed and the moment I laid my eyes on her, I knew I had to date her. Right from the second week she joined us, I started an affair with her and just last month I rented a luxurious apartment for her. Sex with her is like heaven to me, I have never experienced such before, not even with my wife. Unfortunately, my wife got to hear about this and she has since tried everything in her power to end the relationship but I won’t have it. I can’t say I love this employee of mine but the sex is too good for me to let go of her. The only thing that pains me is that my wife doesn’t understand, instead she gets more unhappy every day. Do you think there is anything I can do?

Dear Boss,

Your mail is one of the most interesting ones I ever got because I had to read it over and over again in order to understand exactly what is going on with you. There are a lot of unanswered questions which I wish you had given so as to make me know where exactly you are coming from and what you are driving at. Notwithstanding, if you are a frequent reader of my  blog and column (Dear Bukola - published every Saturday in Saturday Mirror ) you would understand that in as much as I try to be objective, there are some situations I can’t help but be very frank and realistic… your case is one of such. Firstly, I personally respect men that know how to separate business from pleasure; it is obvious you are not one. Secondly, I have more regard for men who value their marriage and who can’t compromise their wife’s happiness for anything in the world, it is also obvious you are not that type of man. Thirdly, I respect a man who after hurting his wife would let go of everything, be remorseful and try to make amends but obviously you are also not this type of man. Hence, it goes without saying that you need to do some personal evaluations. Do you really think your wife would know of your extramarital affairs and be happy with you? There is no woman out there that can be happy when she knows her husband is spending his time and money on another woman so don’t expect your wife to be. It is obvious the sex you are getting from this employee has taken over your mind but you have to be careful so that it won’t lead you to an early grave. I don’t want to be judgmental but your mail makes it obvious you no longer care about anything but enjoying sexual escapades with this employee turned ‘mistress’ of yours so I wonder if anything I write here can have effect on you. An important thing I want you to know however is that it won’t last forever. If you cling to her like your life wire today, tomorrow she may get tired of you and discard you like a rag…. Take note of that! The sincere advice I have for you is to retrace your steps back to your wife, it doesn’t have to be about sex. She has been there for you and she will still be there for you provided you change your ways.... Ask God to forgive you so that your life after death would not be full of regrets. Lastly, think of what you want for your future…. Happiness and peace of mind is far greater than sex and believe me, it lasts longer than the few minutes of pleasure that sex has to give.

Cheers!

Bukola Oyetunji

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