Dear Bukola: I am In Love With my Pastor

 
Dear Bukola,

I am at a crossroad and I think I need deliverance. I am in love with my Pastor and it is affecting me. I am a 33 year old single woman. I have been single since I joined my church that was 4 years ago. The issue is I fell in love with my Pastor the moment I laid my eyes on him. His soft voice and good command of English language makes me want him badly. I’ve tried everything possible to get through to my Pastor but he doesn’t even look at me (probably because he is married). I’ve considered giving other men a chance but the problem is that I use my Pastor as a standard for any man I can marry but all the men coming to me don’t meet up. I have thought severally of going for deliverance but still I wonder; ‘Is it a crime to love my Pastor?’ Please I need your advice.

Dear Single woman,

I understand this issue of women falling in love with their pastor has become all too common these days. I guess it is probably because pastors are now well educated, well-dressed and good-looking compared to those days when it was virtually a sin for a pastor to look that way (especially in this part of the world).
You claim you are in love with your pastor but do you even know him? Do you know his real person apart from the one that mounts the pulpit with his ‘soft voice and good command of English language?’ I wonder how you can claim to love somebody you do not even know. If I ask you very personal questions about that pastor of yours, I bet it you do not have answers.

The sad truth is that your case is that of infatuation and that is why you want him badly! As a Christian that goes to church why would you want to break the home of your pastor by trying everything possible to get through to him? You did not mention anything about him encouraging you to develop these wrong feelings so where is it coming from? You are a 33 year old single woman; a mature single, so I believe you are supposed to pour your feelings on a man that would reciprocate by giving you a meaningful future with him, why waste it on a situation that would take you nowhere? Now you are finding it difficult to commit because you are longing for a man that does not even know you have feelings for him… how worse can it get? You have set an unrealistic standard for yourself; you may not be able to find a man like your pastor several years to come because God created him different from others. Even if you are lucky to find someone like him, they can never be exactly the same. You have to bring these feelings you are having to bay because it will do you more harm than good. You are fearfully and wonderfully made so you deserve to meet someone that would love you and want to marry you like their life depends on it.

I want you to know that you can’t do this unless you let go of all these feelings you have because they are definitely not from God. You need God’s help to do this so pray to Him to erase all the bad feelings/thoughts you have of how to nail your pastor from your mind. Do not give these feelings room to stop you from settling down. If you pray properly and these feelings do not subside, I think it would be best for you to leave the church because it would help if you stop seeing your pastor often. This would give you better chances of meeting your own specially prepared man. If after doing all these you still cannot get over your pastor (God forbid), you may need to go for therapy or like you suggested; deliverance. I wish you all the grace you need!


            

Dear Bukola: My husband never gives compliments!!!

Dear Bukola

I have been married for 4 years and we have 2 children. I really love my husband but the problem I have with him is that he never gives compliments. I work myself out to please him but it’s just like he never notices. Unfortunately when I make a slight mistake in the house he goes off about how incompetent I am. He doesn’t seem to notice how hard I try to get appreciation or compliments from him no matter how little. Please help cos this attitude of his, is affecting me!

Anonymous.

Dear Anonymous,

There are different types of men and there are different types of ways through which they show their appreciation. Some men are just the way your husband is, they seldom give compliments. That still does not mean they do not notice the good things you do around the house or how hard you try to please them, of course they notice but expressing it is just the problem they have. You have to move past the stage of doing things because you want your husband to give you compliments for it. Do things because you enjoy doing it, that’s the only way you can be happy and remain sane. I am not saying it is good for the men to be selfish with giving compliments all I am saying here is that a man who was not brought up to give compliments (especially the type whose father never gave his mother compliments) should not be expected to suddenly give compliments to his wife. It’s not part of him; believe me, you can’t force it out of him. About him complaining over your slight mistakes, you need to let him know you are not perfect so you can make mistakes just like every other person out there. If he fails to understand, don’t worry, still be happy. See it from the positive angle that he wants you to be a better person. The most important thing I want you to know however is that under no circumstances should you let this attitude of his make you feel inferior. You are a wonderful woman but the only person that can appreciate you and make you feel fulfilled is YOU. If you accomplish any difficult task, praise yourself for it! If you did a good job at something, applaud yourself and give yourself a treat for it! If you got a promotion at work, celebrate yourself. Whatever positive achievement you get, appreciate yourself for it because a lot of people out there wish they were you. Don’t wait for anyone to make you feel worthy. It is your life so, LIVE IT!

Wish you all the strength you deserve…..

Bukola Oyetunji.

Sign Up for Free Relationship Mentorship Program with Bukola Oyetunji

 

Birthdays are times for us to reflect on our lives, see how we are doing and know what we should do to become better. Every 28th day of May is my birthday; a day I celebrate with friends and family... I thank God I'll be celebrating a new age very soon... #superexcited

Dear BOB Readers - I can’t stop having sex with my employee!

 

Dear Bukola,

I run a very successful accounting firm in the northern part of the country. About 8 months ago a beautiful and sophisticated lady was employed and the moment I laid my eyes on her, I knew I had to date her. Right from the second week she joined us, I started an affair with her and just last month I rented a luxurious apartment for her. Sex with her is like heaven to me, I have never experienced such before, not even with my wife. Unfortunately, my wife got to hear about this and she has since tried everything in her power to end the relationship but I won’t have it. I can’t say I love this employee of mine but the sex is too good for me to let go of her. The only thing that pains me is that my wife doesn’t understand, instead she gets more unhappy every day. Do you think there is anything I can do?

Dear Boss,

Your mail is one of the most interesting ones I ever got because I had to read it over and over again in order to understand exactly what is going on with you. There are a lot of unanswered questions which I wish you had given so as to make me know where exactly you are coming from and what you are driving at. Notwithstanding, if you are a frequent reader of my  blog and column (Dear Bukola - published every Saturday in Saturday Mirror ) you would understand that in as much as I try to be objective, there are some situations I can’t help but be very frank and realistic… your case is one of such. Firstly, I personally respect men that know how to separate business from pleasure; it is obvious you are not one. Secondly, I have more regard for men who value their marriage and who can’t compromise their wife’s happiness for anything in the world, it is also obvious you are not that type of man. Thirdly, I respect a man who after hurting his wife would let go of everything, be remorseful and try to make amends but obviously you are also not this type of man. Hence, it goes without saying that you need to do some personal evaluations. Do you really think your wife would know of your extramarital affairs and be happy with you? There is no woman out there that can be happy when she knows her husband is spending his time and money on another woman so don’t expect your wife to be. It is obvious the sex you are getting from this employee has taken over your mind but you have to be careful so that it won’t lead you to an early grave. I don’t want to be judgmental but your mail makes it obvious you no longer care about anything but enjoying sexual escapades with this employee turned ‘mistress’ of yours so I wonder if anything I write here can have effect on you. An important thing I want you to know however is that it won’t last forever. If you cling to her like your life wire today, tomorrow she may get tired of you and discard you like a rag…. Take note of that! The sincere advice I have for you is to retrace your steps back to your wife, it doesn’t have to be about sex. She has been there for you and she will still be there for you provided you change your ways.... Ask God to forgive you so that your life after death would not be full of regrets. Lastly, think of what you want for your future…. Happiness and peace of mind is far greater than sex and believe me, it lasts longer than the few minutes of pleasure that sex has to give.

Cheers!

Bukola Oyetunji

Meet Upcoming Music Artiste - MideSongz - With his Classic Titled "Adufe"

Mide Songz

 

Abraham Akindele Bamidele a.k.a Mide Songz, is a young talented artiste who sees music as a passion and not just child's play.

How to Find your Soulmate ASAP!

                                                      I’m tall, dark and handsomely rich!

Yet my girl is beyond my reach,

God’s time is the best I hear my friends preach,

Yet I know time is the greatest breach,

Need someone to call my own,

A person that understands my tone,

Share my bed and build my home,

                                                             Where could she be?      

Open my eyes and let me see

I’m tired of waiting without glee

And now my question is……………………

Will I ever find love?

Who says waiting to meet the right person is an easy task? So many mature singles out there are totally fed up of waiting endlessly for the right one to come along. While some wait patiently and pray fervently, others employ ungodly and immoral measures in order to change their status from single to married.

Here's Love Odyssey Couple's Retreat in Brief + Pictures

Bukola Oyetunji

Last Saturday, 13th of February, 2016 was an eventful day for me, our couples and Live2Love Network as a whole. Our Couple's retreat which had been announced and advertised all over social media eventually took place at Atican Beach Resort, Abraham Adesanya, Ajah, Lagos.
I've brought to you dear readers, brief details of the dinner plus photos. Enjoy...........

Happy New Month BOB Readers

Happy New Month BOB Readers
 

Dear BOB Family, February is here with lots of love in it. Step into this month, prepared to show love to everyone around you especially the needy. Also, as a couple show love to one another, be caring and as intimate as possible. Don't forget also that Live2Love Network's couples retreat tagged; LOVE ODYSSEY, is happening on 13th of this month.... Now the countdown has officially begun!
If you haven't booked for participation, now is the time to do so.

Lastly, let everything you do this month be geared towards impacting at least one person's life positively...... whatever you do, all comes back to you.

Happy New Month to you all.

With lots of love,
Bukola Oyetunji

Would you 'protect' your hubby by giving him condoms?

Hello BOB Readers, how is your weekend going?
A lady sent me a mail recently about how promiscuous her hubby was. She claimed to have contracted STD from him sometime ago and it wasn't a nice experience at all. Now her question is;  is it okay for her to put condoms in her husband's luggage anytime he wants to go on one of his trips?

She says he still has his sexual escapades so she thinks that is the only way she can be at peace when he's away.

What do you all think? Should she go ahead with her 'gesture' or you feel there are better approaches to the issue?

Looking forward to your responses.

Cheers,
Bukola Oyetunji.

Reasons Why You are Still Single (Part 1)

A person can be single for a whole lot of reasons so I want to write this article in all fairness to the single people out there. Know also that the major reason why I came up with this is to set things straight. In doing so, I promise to try my best not to be judgmental, but be as frank as possible.

Have You Made Your New Year Resolution?

Hello wonderful people, it's great to see 2016. Happy new year to you all.

In this new year, I implore everyone to make a new year resolution right from now that the year is still very fresh. By this I mean, make up your mind to let go of those habits and attitudes that slowed you down last year. Develop new habits that can contribute positively to you and your undertakings.

Also, evaluate the kind of people you surround yourself with. Are they those that can help you achieve your goals for 2016? A friend or family member that has nothing to offer you emotionally, morally, academically or even spiritually shouldn't take the front seat in your life this year.

Likewise, tend to be more prayerful. Spend more time in building a personal relationship with God. Look unto Him alone for all your needs. Do not depend on people to make you successful and happy this year. Have confidence in God cos He is the only one that can supply all your needs according to His riches in glory so, let your eyes stay glued to Him.

In the same vein, whatever you find doing in this year, please do with all your might. Stop complaining about your situation not being satisfactory enough. So many people out there wish they had what you have. Develop the spirit of contentment and appreciation. It will go a long way in giving you peace of mind and the good attitude you need in receiving better gifts from God, that will step up your situation as soon as possible.

Lastly, be your neighbour's keeper. Do unto others what you would have them do to you. Stop judging others because you do not know where they are coming from or what they have been through. If you are in the position to help anyone around you, please don't hesitate. There is so much pleasure in seeing other people happy because you assisted them in one way or the other. Develop the habit of doing this as often as possible. It will go a long way in ensuring you stay personally fulfilled and happy.

2016 has started on a good note for so many people so if you are still expecting something good to happen for you; keep calm, God is at work.

 

I wish you all a miraculously pleasant year.

 

Loads of love,
Bukola Oyetunji.

A must read....... A Time for Everything: Making the Most of the Seasons of Life.

Hello BOB family, how is everyone doing?

 I recently gave a talk at a Master's graduate class, Unilag. I feel it is worth sharing with you all because 'making most of the seasons of life' is highly important.

Please read, learn and enjoy.........

Welcome to December + My prayers for you!

It's so great to know we all made it to December! Can't believe we are already in the last month of 2015... that's awesome.

I'm thankful you my wonderful friends and readers made it into this month of celebration. I pray it shall bring to you all, answers to your 2015 prayers yet unmet. You will have cause to give testimonies before the year runs out. I also pray that the special festive season gift that you long for shall be yours from above in Jesus name.

Be good, lend a hand to the needy and be someone's testimony.

Cheers,
Bukola Oyetunji

If You Still Totally Depend On Your Partner for Your Happiness You Need to Read This!

Most times when I talk to people who feel they are not getting enough attention and happiness from their relationship, I seem to reckon with them because if we all are not very observant or let me say careful, the attention we once received from our partner can be thrown out of the window even without us knowing it. This may automatically leave us feeling very unhappy with ourselves and everyone around us.

Happy New Month Darlings....

Welcome to a new month everyone. I pray this month brings with it blessings beyond all measures. All your prayers shall be answered miraculously.
Experience God's greatness always.

Cheers,
Bukola Oyetunji.

Relationship Tip of The Day: No Relationship can Survive....

Sometimes I hear people say 'Love is all that matters', Then I can't help but ask within myself...'Who told you so?'...lol.

How to be a Happily Married Person

 

I sincerely don’t know why but I love being happy. This is why I do everything within my power to make myself personally happy. Well, I think it’s because I’ve learnt over the years that happiness comes from within. I have come to know the importance of being at peace with my inner self, my spouse and most especially with God. All these go a long way in giving us the happiness we desire as individuals.

A must read - The Essence of Communication in Marriage

 

Communication is the key to a healthy marriage. If you don’t have a healthy way of expressing your thoughts and emotions to each other, of speaking & being heard, then everything else will ultimately crumble. In order to have a successful marriage, you have to make yourself an expert in communication.

Relationship Tip of The Day: STAND UP and be the man she needs....

Being in a relationship demands a lot of sacrifices from both parties, however, when a man fails to live up to his responsibilities, the success of such relationship becomes almost impossible.

Women need a man that can stand up and be the man they need. A man who is worthy of being called a man. Strong, dependable and with reliable shoulders to lean on. A woman needs a man that is sensitive enough to know when she needs him to speak words of encouragement to her or just keep quiet and listen while she pours out her feelings/emotions.

A man that can not live up to these expectations should sit down, so she can see the man behind him because he sure does not deserve her.

So, if you are a man out there and you want that woman to tie the knots with you, please STAND UP  and be the man she needs. Don't just live your life like it's yours alone. Do things in a way that makes it quite evident you care for her and that you want her in your life forever. She is your woman so she deserves all the best she can get from you. *wink*

Wish you luck in your relationships!

Cheers,
Bukola Oyetunji

Relationship Tip of The Day: Don't Mix Bad Words with Your Bad Mood.....

The words we speak often times reflect the mood we are in.