Dear Bukola
I have been married for 4 years and we have 2
children. I really love my husband but the problem I have with him is that he
never gives compliments. I work myself out to please him but it’s just like he
never notices. Unfortunately when I make a slight mistake in the house he goes
off about how incompetent I am. He doesn’t seem to notice how hard I try to get
appreciation or compliments from him no matter how little. Please help cos this
attitude of his, is affecting me!
Anonymous.
Dear
Anonymous,
There
are different types of men and there are different types of ways through which
they show their appreciation. Some men are just the way your husband is, they
seldom give compliments. That still does not mean they do not notice the good
things you do around the house or how hard you try to please them, of course
they notice but expressing it is just the problem they have. You have to move
past the stage of doing things because you want your husband to give you
compliments for it. Do things because you enjoy doing it, that’s the only way
you can be happy and remain sane. I am not saying it is good for the men to be
selfish with giving compliments all I am saying here is that a man who was not
brought up to give compliments (especially the type whose father never gave his
mother compliments) should not be expected to suddenly give compliments to his
wife. It’s not part of him; believe me, you can’t force it out of him. About
him complaining over your slight mistakes, you need to let him know you are not
perfect so you can make mistakes just like every other person out there. If he
fails to understand, don’t worry, still be happy. See it from the positive
angle that he wants you to be a better person. The most important thing I want
you to know however is that under no circumstances should you let this attitude
of his make you feel inferior. You are a wonderful woman but the only person
that can appreciate you and make you feel fulfilled is YOU. If you accomplish
any difficult task, praise yourself for it! If you did a good job at something,
applaud yourself and give yourself a treat for it! If you got a promotion at
work, celebrate yourself. Whatever positive achievement you get, appreciate
yourself for it because a lot of people out there wish they were you. Don’t wait
for anyone to make you feel worthy. It is your life so, LIVE IT! Wish you all the strength you deserve…..
Bukola Oyetunji.
