Dear Bukola: My husband never gives compliments!!!

Dear Bukola

I have been married for 4 years and we have 2 children. I really love my husband but the problem I have with him is that he never gives compliments. I work myself out to please him but it’s just like he never notices. Unfortunately when I make a slight mistake in the house he goes off about how incompetent I am. He doesn’t seem to notice how hard I try to get appreciation or compliments from him no matter how little. Please help cos this attitude of his, is affecting me!

Anonymous.

Dear Anonymous,

There are different types of men and there are different types of ways through which they show their appreciation. Some men are just the way your husband is, they seldom give compliments. That still does not mean they do not notice the good things you do around the house or how hard you try to please them, of course they notice but expressing it is just the problem they have. You have to move past the stage of doing things because you want your husband to give you compliments for it. Do things because you enjoy doing it, that’s the only way you can be happy and remain sane. I am not saying it is good for the men to be selfish with giving compliments all I am saying here is that a man who was not brought up to give compliments (especially the type whose father never gave his mother compliments) should not be expected to suddenly give compliments to his wife. It’s not part of him; believe me, you can’t force it out of him. About him complaining over your slight mistakes, you need to let him know you are not perfect so you can make mistakes just like every other person out there. If he fails to understand, don’t worry, still be happy. See it from the positive angle that he wants you to be a better person. The most important thing I want you to know however is that under no circumstances should you let this attitude of his make you feel inferior. You are a wonderful woman but the only person that can appreciate you and make you feel fulfilled is YOU. If you accomplish any difficult task, praise yourself for it! If you did a good job at something, applaud yourself and give yourself a treat for it! If you got a promotion at work, celebrate yourself. Whatever positive achievement you get, appreciate yourself for it because a lot of people out there wish they were you. Don’t wait for anyone to make you feel worthy. It is your life so, LIVE IT!

Wish you all the strength you deserve…..

Bukola Oyetunji.

Sign Up for Free Relationship Mentorship Program with Bukola Oyetunji

 

Birthdays are times for us to reflect on our lives, see how we are doing and know what we should do to become better. Every 28th day of May is my birthday; a day I celebrate with friends and family... I thank God I'll be celebrating a new age very soon... #superexcited

Dear BOB Readers - I can’t stop having sex with my employee!

 

Dear Bukola,

I run a very successful accounting firm in the northern part of the country. About 8 months ago a beautiful and sophisticated lady was employed and the moment I laid my eyes on her, I knew I had to date her. Right from the second week she joined us, I started an affair with her and just last month I rented a luxurious apartment for her. Sex with her is like heaven to me, I have never experienced such before, not even with my wife. Unfortunately, my wife got to hear about this and she has since tried everything in her power to end the relationship but I won’t have it. I can’t say I love this employee of mine but the sex is too good for me to let go of her. The only thing that pains me is that my wife doesn’t understand, instead she gets more unhappy every day. Do you think there is anything I can do?

Dear Boss,

Your mail is one of the most interesting ones I ever got because I had to read it over and over again in order to understand exactly what is going on with you. There are a lot of unanswered questions which I wish you had given so as to make me know where exactly you are coming from and what you are driving at. Notwithstanding, if you are a frequent reader of my  blog and column (Dear Bukola - published every Saturday in Saturday Mirror ) you would understand that in as much as I try to be objective, there are some situations I can’t help but be very frank and realistic… your case is one of such. Firstly, I personally respect men that know how to separate business from pleasure; it is obvious you are not one. Secondly, I have more regard for men who value their marriage and who can’t compromise their wife’s happiness for anything in the world, it is also obvious you are not that type of man. Thirdly, I respect a man who after hurting his wife would let go of everything, be remorseful and try to make amends but obviously you are also not this type of man. Hence, it goes without saying that you need to do some personal evaluations. Do you really think your wife would know of your extramarital affairs and be happy with you? There is no woman out there that can be happy when she knows her husband is spending his time and money on another woman so don’t expect your wife to be. It is obvious the sex you are getting from this employee has taken over your mind but you have to be careful so that it won’t lead you to an early grave. I don’t want to be judgmental but your mail makes it obvious you no longer care about anything but enjoying sexual escapades with this employee turned ‘mistress’ of yours so I wonder if anything I write here can have effect on you. An important thing I want you to know however is that it won’t last forever. If you cling to her like your life wire today, tomorrow she may get tired of you and discard you like a rag…. Take note of that! The sincere advice I have for you is to retrace your steps back to your wife, it doesn’t have to be about sex. She has been there for you and she will still be there for you provided you change your ways.... Ask God to forgive you so that your life after death would not be full of regrets. Lastly, think of what you want for your future…. Happiness and peace of mind is far greater than sex and believe me, it lasts longer than the few minutes of pleasure that sex has to give.

Cheers!

Bukola Oyetunji

How to Find your Soulmate ASAP!

                                                      I’m tall, dark and handsomely rich!

Yet my girl is beyond my reach,

God’s time is the best I hear my friends preach,

Yet I know time is the greatest breach,

Need someone to call my own,

A person that understands my tone,

Share my bed and build my home,

                                                             Where could she be?      

Open my eyes and let me see

I’m tired of waiting without glee

And now my question is……………………

Will I ever find love?

Who says waiting to meet the right person is an easy task? So many mature singles out there are totally fed up of waiting endlessly for the right one to come along. While some wait patiently and pray fervently, others employ ungodly and immoral measures in order to change their status from single to married.

Would you 'protect' your hubby by giving him condoms?

Hello BOB Readers, how is your weekend going?
A lady sent me a mail recently about how promiscuous her hubby was. She claimed to have contracted STD from him sometime ago and it wasn't a nice experience at all. Now her question is;  is it okay for her to put condoms in her husband's luggage anytime he wants to go on one of his trips?

She says he still has his sexual escapades so she thinks that is the only way she can be at peace when he's away.

What do you all think? Should she go ahead with her 'gesture' or you feel there are better approaches to the issue?

Looking forward to your responses.

Cheers,
Bukola Oyetunji.

Reasons Why You Are Still Single (Part 2)

     

.....................Continued from last post

Reasons Why You are Still Single (Part 1)

A person can be single for a whole lot of reasons so I want to write this article in all fairness to the single people out there. Know also that the major reason why I came up with this is to set things straight. In doing so, I promise to try my best not to be judgmental, but be as frank as possible.

Love Odyssey..... A Journey of Rediscovery for Married Couples!

 

Married couples tend to lose the spark in their marriage over the years. This may be due to busy schedules, childcare, health issues or what have you. To help couples rediscover one another, Live2Love Network is bringing to you a dinner/adventure of rediscovery home away from home..... Every couple needs this. Watch out for Love Odyssey, it's happening soon!!!

Cheers,
Bukola Oyetunji

If You Still Totally Depend On Your Partner for Your Happiness You Need to Read This!

Most times when I talk to people who feel they are not getting enough attention and happiness from their relationship, I seem to reckon with them because if we all are not very observant or let me say careful, the attention we once received from our partner can be thrown out of the window even without us knowing it. This may automatically leave us feeling very unhappy with ourselves and everyone around us.

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Communication is the key to a healthy marriage. If you don’t have a healthy way of expressing your thoughts and emotions to each other, of speaking & being heard, then everything else will ultimately crumble. In order to have a successful marriage, you have to make yourself an expert in communication.

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Most times when I talk to people who feel they are not getting enough attention and happiness from their relationship, I seem to reckon with them because if we all are not very observant or let me say careful, the attention we once received from our partner can be thrown out of the window even without us knowing it. This may automatically leave us feeling very unhappy with ourselves and everyone around us.

20 Ways to Know If She’s The One For You......

Relationships are easy to come by but the good one that leads you to a lifetime happiness may look like an impossible feat to achieve. You may feel you have the perfect lady for you this moment and the next moment, you are wondering what exactly you saw in her in the first place.

Before you make up your mind as to whether the relationship is worth taking a notch higher or you should rather let it go, below are signs you have to look out for. If all these signs are present or almost all of it (*wink*), then you are one of the fortunate ones..... You have to put all your best into the relationship and make it a "Happily Ever After" thing.

Have a great read.......

Why It Is A Must You Get Married As Soon As Possible!

 

I love the freedom I have

I can wake up anytime I want

Ways Through Which You Can Find Genuine Love As Fast As Possible!!!

“I walk down the road

Hoping an admirer will notice me,

Will I see a man to make me feel beautiful?

I’ve been like this for quite a while

Yet no man has looked my way

No gaze from the men I admire

I’m totally losing hope already

My life has become boring without you

I’m hungry…………… I’m thirsty………

Need you to make me feel wanted

Over and over I keep asking myself……………….

Will I ever find love?

 

I’m tall, dark and handsomely rich!

Yet my girl is beyond my reach,

God’s time is the best I hear my friends preach,

Yet I know time is the greatest breach,

Need someone to call my own,

A person that understands my tone,

Share my bed and build my home,

                                                             Where could she be?      

Open my eyes and let me see

I’m tired of waiting without glee

And now my question is……………………

Will I ever find love?

Who says waiting to meet the right person is an easy task? So many mature singles out there are totally fed up of waiting endlessly for the right one to come along. While some wait patiently and pray fervently, others employ ungodly and immoral measures in order to change their status from single to married.

Relationship: How To Handle The Pressure of Being Single....

 

“Why are they looking at me that way?

I think they pity me but why?

Oh….. Cause I’m not married yet?

I hear them whisper my name

Hear them say it’s my fault

Have they lost hope in me when I’ve not?

 I’m sure the right lady will come the right time

I’ve left fate to decide when

Oh….. How I hate the pressure they put me through!

Many matured singles are getting totally frustrated not just because they don’t have a man or woman to call their own but because of the pressure they are passing through.

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