Thursday, 16 October 2014

Why Nagging Destroys Your Marriage!


Nagging can become a vicious cycle. The more you nag, the more your spouse avoids you or withdraw both emotionally and physically from you, so the more you nag the worse your relationship becomes.

Is this really how you want to live?
Think deep and ask yourself this question. I’m very sure your answer is NO. Nobody wants an unhappy marriage therefore you need to understand that that man/woman is being pushed away through your nagging. At the end of the day, if you weigh the issues you nag about alongside the happiness your marriage should have, it’s really not worth it!

Why Nagging Doesn't Work

  • Even though your issues may be valid, nagging makes your spouse resentful: You may really have just reasons why you nag but the negative effect it has on your marriage is that it makes your partner bitter towards you. It doesn’t give him/her any joy rather, it makes them angry and makes your partner wish they can spend limited time with you.

  • Nagging makes your spouse defensive: If you are addicted to nagging, it makes your spouse defensive all the time. Even before you start nagging about issues they know you will and they are prepared for it. You make them defensive and as a result of this, you won’t be able to get anywhere with it. 

  • Nagging puts you in the parent role and your spouse in the child role: When you nag all the time, you become the parent in your marriage while your spouse becomes the child. They see you as the mother or father they once had and begin to think they are back to being kids all over again. Everyone wants to be free of unnecessary judgments or rebuke. If you continue nagging that man or woman they begin to see you less as a spouse and more as a parent. This isn't healthy for your marriage.

  • Nagging is disrespectful: When you start nagging about what you partner did and what they did not do, it becomes disrespectful. This is so because they are adults and they can think for themselves. If you keep telling them what they should do or not do all the time it becomes a blow to their ego (especially men) and they tend to feel they are disrespected in their homes.

  • Nagging is often perceived as criticism, so your spouse may tune you out, making what you are saying ineffective: Whether you accept it or not, that spouse you are nagging with sees all you’re saying as criticism. Nothing you say in that kind of mood comes across to him/her as useful. As time goes on they tend to tune you out immediately you start and no matter how important what you’re saying is to you, it becomes ineffective to them. They stop hearing whatever it is you are saying and therefore everything you do or say at that particular moment goes unnoticed.

  • When your spouse is being nagged, he/she probably feels attacked personally: Nagging about what your spouse did or didn’t do makes him/her feel attacked personally. To some people, mere words hurt them more than when you actually flog or beat them personally. Nagging is a way of violently harassing your spouse whether you believe it or not.

  • Nagging can make your spouse feel inadequate: Nagging can psychologically affect your spouse by making him/her feel inadequate. It can make them feel like they are not doing enough for you as a partner. It can also make them feel unhappy with themselves for making you nag all the time. It may make them feel inferior to you all the time. This is also destructive to your marriage.
My advice therefore is that couples should analyse their marriage critically. If the nagging is giving you the satisfaction you desire, so be it! (I am sure it can't). If you really want a healthy and happy marriage, do away with the nagging, learn to overlook things and I bet it with you, you'll wonder why you ever nagged.
Wish you all the best in your relationships!
Bukola Oyetunji
(Culled from ONE GOOD SPOUSE DESERVES ANOTHER by Bukola Oyetunji)

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