Wednesday, 22 October 2014

Relationship Tip of The Day: ....Your Children Are Also in the Line of Fire...

Today, I am focusing on women who are being abused in their relationships. This is because a lot of women are going through hell in their marriage because they have an emotionally/verbally abusive husband.

Emotional abuse is the most common form of abuse and yet the least talked about. Reason for this is that most women do not even know they are being abused emotionally abused but sooner or later, its negative impact becomes evident in them or their children.

Simply defined, Emotional abuse is a series of repeated incidents (whether intentional or not) that insults, threatens, isolates, degrades, humiliates, and/or controls another person.

It may include a pattern of one or more of the following abuses: insults, criticisms, aggressive demands or expectations, threats, rejection, neglect, blame, emotional manipulation and control, isolation, punishment, terrorizing, ignoring, or teasing.

Emotional abuse can make victims think less of themselves i.e., make them lose their self-worth. When you are being abused emotionally, you are treated as an enemy. You get the blame for your spouse's failures, ill-luck, misfortune etc. While he single-handedly gets the credit for any good that comes his way.

Verbal abuse on the other hand is a form of emotional abuse. It is the use of language to hurt someone, whether it is with conscious or unconscious intent.

The issue with people who are emotionally or verbally abused however is that they tend to bring up excuses why their spouse is like that. Like saying "Oh, he didn't mean it that way, he was simply pulling my legs" or "He is just a funny person, I've known for a long time that his favourite form of humour is sarcasm".

It is important you know that no matter how much you love your partner or bring up excuses for his abusive behavior, your children are looking at you. They are in the line of fire also. Directly or indirectly the emotional and verbal abuse gets through to them. Do you want them to grow up feeling marriage is meant to be an unhappy one? Think about this! If you want your children to grow up capable of loving the right person, then it's high time you took the right step towards putting an end to the abuse you are going through right now.

Emotional and verbal abuse unlike sexual or physical abuse has no visible proof but its effects are psychological. It won't reflect only in you but also in your children because they are observant and they are what you make of them. Therefore ladies, do everything you can to stop this cycle of abuse before it does more damage. Walk away or do everything within your power to ensure it doesn't do more harm than it has already done. If you feel you can not do this alone, remember, there is no harm in seeking professional help from a counselor.

I wish you all the grace you need.....

Bukola Oyetunji

No comments: